What were you thinking?

Ok so this blog is a bit out of my ordinary tone and demeanor, but I have a BAD habit of bottling up my emotions and thoughts on things, so I felt it would be best if I just purged here and now before my mouth gets me in trouble. It may seem a bitchy and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting so if someone reads this please give me your opinion.

To start, on my dad's side of the family I am the 3rd oldest of 6 cousins. My two eldest cousins are like 10+ years older than me and pretty much out of the picture. My grandfather has always been a huge part of my life and even lived with us since I was young, so we've always had a tight bond something I guess my other 3 younger cousins have been a bit jealous of. Anyways, all growing up my youngest 3 cousins (H, E, J) parent's (my aunt and uncle which we will call Aunt L and Uncle M) have always made comments to my parents that I wasn't being raised properly and that with all the freedom they give me I am going to turn out to be a "problem child" while their 3 darlings will be well adjusted and turn out successes in their future. When I was young it didn't really bother me to hear that, but as I got older I began to resent those remarks and also hate the feeling of being judged and compared. I went to public school my entire schooling while H, E, J were home-schooled until they moved to OK where they were tested and placed into regular school. H (who is 2 days younger than me) was a year behind they discovered from the testing, E was 3/4 of a year behind and J was only 1/2 year behind. I was never behind, always ahead..I graduated HS 5th in my class (2 people tied for 3rd) and with college credits to transfer to my college. :::4 years pass::: I graduate college, Greene and I decide to move in together to cut bills and things are going well. Aunt L gets wind of my living arrangement and "discusses" it with my mom (my dad had already passed away this time), telling my mom I am living a life of sin..yada, yada, yada. First off, I was extremely offended. It is known of L's business nor is it very nice and Christian (her whole belief I would be a problem child is because my parents didn't force the Bible life on me...I chose to go to church, socialize in outreach and teen youth groups, get confirmed and never once was forced to do it) of her and yet she said it. May of 2007 comes up and I get word through my mom that H is engaged (Greene and I had announced our engagement and wedding date in Oct./Nov. of 2006) and has decided she will get married Dec. 29th, 2007. Kudos to her for planning a wedding in 6 months since I knew I'd need a little over a year to get my wedding planned. Then L follows it up with the guilt trip "Well you have to come the wedding. We need to meet your boyfriend." So after much protesting from myself and Greene, my mom convinces us to come to the wedding so we can see some other family and spend the New Year's together. So out the window went our plans to spend New Year's at home with our friends.

So now I should recap this lovely wedding experience...experience is the best word to describe it. Two days after Christmas, my other aunt and uncle and cousin drive up to Pcola to pick us up and we continue on the trip to OK. It was a good car ride...lots of socializing, I caught up on some reading and we had a great bonding. We left 60's for high 20's. We got into the lovely Bethany, OK Holiday Inn Express. We're all a bit exhausted and maybe cranky after the 28 hour straight-through drive. So that night there were to be a dinner for family and close friends following the rehearsal. So we took our time getting ready (we weren't in the wedding, so we saw no reason to go to the rehearsal). When we show up, L immediately gets in on us about being late and that they have been waiting to eat (we showed up at 6-6:15pm). Dinner goes well...we finally get an itinerary of when things are which would have been super helpful prior to the rehearsal and dinner. The next morning is the wedding. It is bitter cold and the church auditorium where the wedding was held was super frigid. We showed up early since L and H told us to be there early for pictures. We sat around forever because things were unorganized and then find out never mind we are not needed for pictures. We will take some pictures afterwards. So we find our seats and the wedding follows. We do our obligated family pictures (ok we took 2 pictures total....entire family, then just the cousins). So now at this point you think oh reception, how fun? Yea actually because H and her new husband had to pay for the entire wedding they didn't have money for a reception. So instead, we had cake and cookies and punch and coffee/tea. They had no first dance, they did a mini-bouquet toss and garter toss...nothing traditional. Then about two hours after the wedding they left for their "wedding night" (ok it was only about 2pm). So then we are all standing around (my aunt and uncle and cousin we drove up with, my dad's other brother and his wife, my mom, Greene and I and GmaE) and decide, well since the rest of the family is going to be busy cleaning up the wedding and they told us they didn't need help..we'll go find real food and off we went. When we got back from the hotel hours later ( we found a local rib/ bbq place and had an excellent dinner ) we were quickly met with disgust by M, L, E and J because they had to order pizzas and wish they had been invited to eat. Alright so I must go off on a side note a second. Every other time we have gone to dinner with them, they had expected the rest of us to pick up their meal for them...let me remind you that is 4-5 mouth extra and they just assume when the bill comes that someone else will pick up their tab. As a family unit we are very caring/giving towards one another, but the term "going Dutch" holds true in my family (we are Dutch decent by the way) and we typically pay our own ways except if someone says hey I got you covered. So back to my story, no one wanted to invite them along because we didn't want to be stuck with their bill. Then if that wasn't enough L, E, and J were all sick (with some type of cold or flu or something contagious) and the entire night (and night before) they were coughing all around us ( I was sick by day 3 of the trip).

Sunday, (day 3) my cousin H and her new husband decided to have a present party. At this point you must be thinking, what's that? Well I guess to cut down on having to write thank you cards or anything of that nature, they invited everyone to the hotel to watch them open all their presents and cards. I don't know about you, but I felt this to be extremely tacky. So there we sat for an hour watching them open presents. After that they quickly got themselves organized and they (L, M, H, E, J) left to go back home. Much breath of relief for the rest of us who stayed a few more days (through New Years) at the Holiday Inn Express. Overall it was great time spent with some of my family and Greene was able to spend time with and meet some more people in my family. We also took note of everything NOT to do for our wedding 2 months later.

As if that wasn't enough drama, my cousin E and her boyfriend had gotten engaged like right before that wedding, and decided they would plan their wedding for May. Throughout the entire wedding weekend in OK he kept saying he was thinking of pushing the wedding date out until the following January to allow time for things to settle and what not and E kept saying they were getting married in May. After all the "fun" we had had with this wedding, Greene and I had decided we would not be attending. Then in January, my mom got an email from L that E and N had decided to get married and had a small ceremony with immediate family and a few friends. So Greene and I said well guess we won't send a gift seeing that they eloped. I should mention that the reason we think they decided to elope was because L and M have a rule that you cannot live with a guy unless you are married to him and E and L fight 24/7 so E probably decided to just go get married. The email also stated that they would have a full wedding and such the following January (2009). So off E and her new husband went to find an apartment to live in on 2 minimum wage jobs. They had to settle for what they could afford in actuality. Greene and I decided to not send a housewarming gift expecting to have to send a gift for their wedding come January 2009.

Next came our wedding in March and there was drama surrounding it, but whatever. I seated them upstairs overlooking the dance floor all together and yet they stirred up some drama, but our wedding went well. L made a few comments throughout the planning process and how hard it must be on my mom to have to pay for the wedding and my mom always quickly responded with the note that she is not paying for the wedding...Greene and I have covered all the costs or planned it ourselves. After all we are super creative and designed our own STD, invitations, programs, weekend newsletter, itinerary, centerpieces, table decor (in place of numbers we used beach theme items...starfish, sandcastle, etc.), candies, mints, cake was designed by us. We stretched our dollars without too much notice and splurged on things we knew people would enjoy like an open bar with top shelf liquors. Oh and there were comments from that side of family about the open bar, but it was our wedding and we did what we wanted.

So then May 2008 comes around and my mom gets an email announcing E is pregnant. And here is were the real drama starts. It wasn't like it was a mistake that they got pregnant...they believe in the whole no BC/ condoms/ etc. rules and that God will give them how many children he wants them to have. She immediately had to quit her job because she was having trouble in the beginning with the pregnancy, so they are surviving on his minimum wage income, living in a real unsafe apartment and she is pretty much on bed rest. Thankfully she was classified as a high-risk so she was put on WIC government assistance. Now don't get me wrong, WIC is there to help get first time pregnancy women and those in need help to get situated, but I think they should have planned better for this. How are they going to afford to put food on the table and care for a baby especially since neither has a college degree and she just has her GED (oh yea, and they have their certification in bible studies from their church school)? E has already stated she doesn't think she will go back to work after the baby is born and now her husband is thinking of joining the military. That is the last thing they need unless he can stay nearby to be home to help with the new baby and stuff. They already supposedly fight over taking care of their home (laundry, dishes, pets, etc.); Greene and I disagree about cleaning and we both hate it, but at the end of the day we suck it up and get it done. Now the baby is due in less than a month and looks like to be able to afford anything they are going to move back in with either L & M or his parents. Ok so correct me if I am wrong but wasn't the whole idea to get married and move out of their parents homes to be together?

And just recently they had a baby shower for her. J kept asking what I was getting for her and I said I wasn't sure what we were doing since I didn't know about the baby shower (never even got an invite, so actually feel no obligation to send a gift)...especially since my mom received an invite 1 week prior to the shower (not that any of us would have driven or flown in for the shower, but it is the thought that counts). And still getting slack from J a bit like how come you didn't send a gift, E is having the baby in a month? So am I really wrong for not sending a gift since I haven't been sent an invite to the shower or even a formal announcement that she is pregnant? We truly are not that close, nor do I really have an intention on being close to her since I disagree with their charity case mentality that they brought upon themselves. Oh and still not a thank you note or anything from H and her husband for their wedding presents.

Now that I have written that all down, I feel cleansed. I am not sure what to think anymore on this entire situation, other than I wish to avoid them at all cost. We will see what happens when Greene and I decide to have kids (which will probably be not for another year since we are starting grad school). If anyone has any comments please leave them below. I wish to hear a neutral opinion on the situation and would love to get to know others on this site.

Hope everyone has a good week. Week 2 of classes starts tomorrow.